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Kirk Kirkendall
Kirk Kirkendall, also known as the german Woodsman and the Schnitzel Man, is the secondary tritagonist of Hoodwinked! and one of the supporting protagonists in Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil. He is a woodsman, yodeler, and former actor. Biography and Personality Kirk is very friendly, warmhearted, thoughtful, and cares about others (as stated when he said in the first film that he wouldn't even hurt a butterfly). However, he can be a bit empty-headed and confused at times. In the first film, he wielded an axe without a license (to practice for a callback audition) and was mistaken for one of the Old One. ''Hoodwinked! In ''Hoodwinked!, the Woodsman is first seen crashing through the window in Granny's cottage, scaring Red, the wolf, and Granny. The cops arrive right away, and led by a frog detective named Nicky Flippers, Red, Granny, Wolf, and the Woodsman are all questioned about the events leading up to the incident. The Woodsman (whose real name is Kirk Kirkendall) used to be an actor for commercials for Paul's Bunion Cream. However, one day, Kirk did a mistake in which he said, "Argh!", and director Jimmy Lizard asked Kirk if he is some kind of "German pirate" (because he said, "Argh"). Jimmy then asks Kirk what makes him proud, strong, and mighty and Kirk answers that his dream is to travel the world with the Happy Yodelers. He then proceeded to sing, but he accidentally threw his axe and Jimmy called in for the next person and Kirk left, heartbroken and discouraged. As Red drove by Kirk on her bike singing, Kirk boarded his schnitzel truck (which was his day job and wasn't such a bad job) and started to sell schnitzel to the children of the forest as the Schnitzel Man, but as he dances over to his schnitzel truck to leave, he discovers that he has been robbed and that the Goody Bandit stole everything (including the tires) in his truck. Boingo then shows up, feels sorry for Kirk, and says it isn't easy being in the goody business these days. Kirk tells Boingo he is constantly "getting schnitzeled" and since he can't even serve the bunion cream, he fears he might lose his job, but Boingo reassures him that maybe someday, somebody will open up a goody shop and they can all work for "that little guy". Then Jimmy Lizard calls Kirk and tells him that they got a client there, looked at his tape, and though they might have a real "Hercules Goes Bananas" angle and want him to come back in; it's a call back. Kirk, narrating, says that he's always heard about call backs, but had never gotten one. In a panic, Kirk asks Jimmy what does he do, and Jimmy tells him to come back tomorrow and do the same thing he did before, only this time, do it good. Jimmy also tells Kirk that he wants him to go out in the wild and to find the "tree-chopping side of himself", and tells him to not act like a woodsman, BE a woodsman. He then hangs up, and Kirk leaves to go "find the little woodsman in him", and Boingo tells Kirk to tell the "little woodsman" he said hello. Kirk starts trying to chop at tree down, but he cannot, so he reads "Chopping for Actors" and finally finds the "little woodsman inside of him". Then he comes across a large oak tree and proceeds to chop it down. However, it took all night, and the tree is almost chopped off. Suddenly, Kirk hears the sound of Red screaming, and as he walks over to the sound, the tree falls down and rolls over a cliff and heads for Granny's cottage, with Kirk running in front of it. He jumps onto the log and is forced into a sort of extreme birling. Two upstanding trees stop the log from rolling, but the momentum launched him into the window still holding the axe, startling Red, the wolf, and Granny and then they all start screaming in terror. Near the climax of the movie, Kirk, along with Wolf and Granny, go outside and a shocked Kirk sees that the Evil Ski Team has turned his schnitzel truck into a bulldozer and changed the yodelers' yodels. Granny, Wolf, and Kirk sneak into Boingo's (who is revealed to be the Goody Bandit) lair and try to save Red and defeat Boingo's cronies, but Wolf (disguised as a building inspector) fails to defeat Boingo while Granny manages to take out Boingo's men. After the villains are taken to prison, Jimmy Lizard says that Kirk will be appearing in their ad campaign. Kirk also says that he got a call back, but Jimmy shushes Kirk and tells him to not talk. At the very end, Red tells Granny, Wolf, and Twitchy that Kirk finally fulfilled his dream and became a famous yodeler with the Happy Yodelers. ''Hoodwinked Too! Hood VS. Evil '']] In ''Hoodwinked Too! Hood VS. Evil, Kirk doesn't have that much of a big part as he did in the first film. He first appears when Red, Wolf, and Twitchy visit him. He is now a big hit and his personality has changed a lot. He was happy to see his friends again and was very hospitable. He was very willing to help them and was able to get the other yodelers to help them. He told them that before the Happy Yodelers were "hits", they were a elite group of saboteurs. He and the yodelers broke through the Dark Towers security and were able to take down all the henchpigs while Red, Wolf, and Twitchy went to rescue Granny and Hansel and Gretel (both of whom were captured by Verushka). Kirk and the Happy Yodelers returned to save Red and Granny from a giant spider. Red complimented Kirk's excellent fighting skills (which he did not seem to have in the first film). He and the Happy Yodelers released Red and Granny, and then they all grabbed onto the spider's legs. They were able to push the spider back, putting it into its dungeon. Red thanked them for their help and then he and the Happy Yodelers. Fighting Style ☀ Extensive Schnitzel Fighting: Swinging through the air with a yodel that scares the pants off Granny, he swings the schnitzels with such force it snaps the neck of anyone he hits. ☀ Misleading Karate: With a boyish face and a neck no one could slap, Kirk could catch you off guard. With his meaty legs he has no problem snapping your neck, while beating his schnitzel. ☀ Yodel: Kirk draws in a deep breath and you know you are screwed. When he releases air in a giant yodel, your skin is blasted directly off of your bones. ☀ Schnitzel High Priest: He knows in his heart of hearts and in his most 'private' moments the being that created the universe. The almighty schnitzel grants him speed, strength, and size manipulation. ☀The Schnitzel Snap: Once Kirk collects the seven schnitzel stones he can yodel at the top of his lungs to produce the sound of 1,000,000 children screaming for his sweet sweet schnitzel. This causes half of all inhabitants of the universe to die instantly of schnitzel deprivation. Trivia * In Hoodwinked Too! Hood VS. Evil, Kirk was once rumored to be voiced by Wayne Knight. This isn't true as Martin Short had voiced Kirk in the film. * His face is similar to Henry the Green Engine from Thomas and Friends. Gallery Hoodwinked 2005 kirk paul's bunion cream.jpg Hoodwinked kirk schnitzel.jpg Hoodwinked-kirk-8714166-1920-1080.jpg|Kirk and the children looking in shock at the sight of Kirk's schnitzel truck's tires getting stolen by the Goody Bandit Hoodwinked jimmy lizard phones kirk.png|Kirk talking to Jimmy Lizard on his schnitzel truck's phone Hoodwinked kirk triumphant laugh.jpg|Kirk laughing triumphantly after he tried to chop down a large oak tree Hoodwinked kirk running away from tree.jpg|Kirk running away from the fallen oak tree, which broke off Hoodwinked 2 kirk broken nail.jpg|A slightly aged Kirk looking at his broken nail after defeating one of the Three Little Hench Pigs in Hoodwinked Too! Hood VS. Evil Hoodwinked-Too-Hood-VS-Evil-Cart-Wheelin-Woodsman.png|A Cart Wheelin' Woodsman action figure by Burger King Category:Citations needed Category:Characters Category:Film Characters Category:Heroes Category:Major Characters